How to Find, Build & Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationships | Esther Perel
Video Overview & Insights
In this episode, my guest is Esther Perel, a world-renowned psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author. She explains healthy romantic relationship dynamics and how to achieve them. The answer includes curiosity not just about the other person but, more importantly, about who we can evolve into through healthy relating.
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Thank you for your interest in science! -- Andrew
Esther explains the fundamental differences and challenges in relationships formed at different stages of life. We also discuss relationship conflict and how to give and receive a true apology.
Additionally, we discuss fidelity, breaches of trust, reviving relationships, and tools for understanding your needs regarding love and desire in a relationship. The episode will help listeners understand the key elements to find, build, and revive deeply satisfying romantic relationships.
I love that
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Took Clara Hartley’s anxiety quiz while I was waiting for my food and thought it would just be something quick to pass the time. Now I’m reading about how I respond to stress and why I avoid certain situations. That escalated a lot faster than expected.
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What a phenomenal conversation. Thank you. We are so lucky to be able to access discussions like this.
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My fav 2 best people ever in the same conversation OMG
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28:38 Esther, you answered my recent experience of abrupt discard by my bf over an unintentional incident - it amazed me how vastly different two individuals can hold realities of the same moment. I reached out for dialogue and repair, he shut me off - it can't be fixed, you broke my soul. It's hard. I'm learning not to take it personally, but it's about his limit shaped by his past, culture, pride and wounds.
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*Esther Perel*
Website: https://www.estherperel.com
Books: https://www.estherperel.com/books
Turning Conflict into Connection (Course): https://www.estherperel.com/courses/turning-conflict-into-connection
Where Should We Begin? (Podcast): https://www.estherperel.com/podcast
How do I get close to you without losing me? and how do I get close to me without losing you?
Newsletter: https://www.estherperel.com/blog
TED Talks: https://www.ted.com/speakers/esther_perel
Curiosity cannot happen in a state of stress.
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.perel
Tailer your method to the person
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/estherperelofficial
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@estherperel
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/estherperel
*Timestamps*
00:00:00 Esther Perel
00:02:03 Sponsors: David Protein, LMNT & Helix Sleep
3 forms of fighting
Two people fighting
Two people fleeing
1 person fleeing 1 person pursuing
00:06:33 Romantic Relationships, Change & Self
00:11:18 Cornerstone vs. Capstone Relationships, Age Differences
What have you done to make your partner feel better?
00:16:53 Young vs. Older Couples, Dynamic Relationships
00:20:13 Identity & Relationship Evolution
Self-esteem is the ability to see yourself as a flawed individual and still hold your self in high regard
00:26:00 Curiosity, Reactivity
00:30:29 Sponsor: AG1
✨️✨️✨️Esther Perel is truly top notch 👌 👌👌💫💫💫💯
00:31:59 Polarization, Conflict; Coherence & Narratives
00:38:21 Apologies, Forgiveness, Shame, Self-Esteem
The neo schizophrenogenic mother theory makes an appearance in the middle of the interview.
00:45:00 Relationship Conflict
00:53:48 Sponsor: Function
The episode is so wow and fun to hear not hard at all and beneficial
00:55:35 Verb States of Conflict; Emotion, Narratives vs. Reality
01:00:10 Time Domains & Hurt; Caretaker & Romantic Relationships
01:08:03 Couples Therapy; Language & Naming
01:20:15 Sexuality in Relationships
01:26:20 Tool: Love & Desire, Sexuality
01:31:28 Infidelity, “Aliveness”
01:35:17 Intimacy, Abandonment, Self-Preservation
01:41:26 Erotic Blueprints, Emotional Needs
First Thank you very much. And what is the solution for contempt
01:49:42 Tool: Repair Work, Relationship Revival; Sincere Apologies
01:59:30 Tool: Relationship Readiness
You two were on fire here! 🔥
So many brilliant takeaways. 🙌🏼
02:03:33 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter
#HubermanLab #EstherPerel #Relationships
For me, 1:20:00 onward is so enlightening...I don't use any of those words - love, desire. To hear someone describe the kinematics between the two is refreshing and honestly therapeutic.
Disclaimer & Disclosures: https://www.hubermanlab.com/disclaimer
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@user-fc4ye8bz6iA lot of ads . A really bad watching experience
@theperfectionist4537I'm sure you are right that psych diagnosis at home by amateurs is unhelpful. But I would argue that narcissistic behavior can be usefully identified. When you hear that someone was swept away into a deep intimacy immediately, "no one has ever loved me like this, or understood me so well," followed by stunning lack of empathy, disagreements about whether conversations even happened, etc -- there is a a pattern that can be identified without a PhD. Also an urgent need for someone to know that improving the relationship isn't a DIY project where you can get a good result.
@agingflowerchildSo good. Had to listen twice. Married 25 years and often pondering how my relationship with my wife is evolving. Loved all of this insight.
@tycechapin7466This woman is so wise.
@BrunoPadilhaOficialEsther is THE BEST.
@BrunoPadilhaOficialThe video you clicked starts at 6:34
@BrunoPadilhaOficialWise Woman..
@judegraham463I enjoyed watching Esther roast Andrew on some of the sciencey questions he tried to ask xD
@silviu.iordacheYou should interview Brian Begin
@dtennisflowDammm she is soo wise. And to still love what she does after 30 years in the field. Super inspiring and unbelievable. Very thankful to have heard of her and this podcast.
@Ez_32Ag1 had to much oxalates, for me, I had to stop drinking them.They were making my joints hurt and having horrible eyebugers. .
@leahd2746❤️🩹
@realuty3396Brilliant episode. Thank you.
@JumpRopeVeteranThis woman is MAGICAL!! I LOVE YOU ESTHER!!
@lishmarlin7055She is so good - what a great explanation she gives. I other matters, how many freaking sponsors jhezzz - as if the salary of a Stanford professor were low
@CesarAngeles28What about people who have no desire to change? Why do they get into relationships?
@robin9913what does it mean when they refuse your apology and tell you that you aren’t sorry because if you were sorry you wouldn’t have done “x” in the first place. ??
@clubfitnessltd1112Absolutely mind-blowing and informative
@TheBEngel888All couples !, no matter where they come from ? All New generation all around world 🌎 or golobal in big scale it is necessary to get such impact or influence from both Andrew Huberman & Esther . I want more .
@FaridehJashnasar-y4kAbsolutely loved hearing your conversation with Esther Perel. I’m versed in her work, so it was your depth that helped deliver an elevated discussion.
@theartofbeingwithannesegalThis is a rich, fascinating discussion.
@TXsharonThank you for have such knowledgeable and engaging on your show every time.
@happystartcounselingservic2241I love this podcast
@darjahughes1510