Lessons Learned in Divorce | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

I was married for 40 years (over 1/2 my life) and we were Christians
We made a promise & covenant before God, & I took it for granted that divorce was not an option.
I was wrong.
She did.
We made many mistakes.
She is divorcing me & I am 73 and alone.
I may never get her and her side of the family back, and never get to prove to her that I have learned so much in since she has been gone over a year.
That we can be better.
I can not control her heart, only my own.
That is scary, but I have to go on.
That is the only option.
Don't take each other for granted!!!
If you are in couple's therapy work on how to communicate fairly and how to stay connected, not on the problems.
Everyone has problems.
It is how you communicate respectfully that counts.
That is my advice.

every divorce is a failure. it's the death of the One new Person that you/God created when you made the vows before Him to love, honor and cherish... "til death do you part'. there is nothing good that comes from that death.

People come together for a season, a reason, and a lifetime no body wins them all.

No wife is a happy life.✌🏽

One more person telling men what to do

Root cause is law gives her a choice to leave and get paid. Stop beating up men who are showing up as dads and husband's inspite of all this

Stay single guys!

Coming out of a 20 year marriage, and have arrived at all of these conclusions in a month.

I only listen to men who have been through divorce

A marriage didn't work?? I'm SHOCKED!

Or don't get married. Have kids, but don't get married.

Made it to 13 mins before I gave up. Too repetitive about doing better as men & having early conversations blah blah blah. 80% or more divorces are filed by the woman yet somehow WE need to do better. BULLSHIT. We men would gladly die for our families and wives YET they can say the magic phrase “I’m not happy” like some child and magically they are fully exonerated and it’s all OK !!!!! It magically happened around menopause for everyone I know who’s divorced. And ladies - it’s your responsibility to make yourself happy - no one else. Turn off ChickTok - the grass is ALWAYS greener where you water it.

Thank you for your service 🙏

Man, I needed to hear this. These points hit home where I’m at in my divorce. It’s early on and she robbed me of time with my children, a lot less days. It’s very hard not to be bitter about it. God help me and thank you for guiding me to this video.

Did you ever think your wife divorced you because you are a narcissist, perhaps? Just an observation.

Disagree 100% on that first point. Say whats real. I did what you said and changed. Yes I became a better man. But my wife weaponized everything to get me there including sex. Now that we are divorcing she weaponizes the kids. No... listen to what she is trying to do to you. What is her real intent behind those talks? What is she using to tug at your emotional strings? I do agree with don't get complacent but back up and look at the macroperspective of what this woman is doing. The entitlement. Taking for granted a lavish life. Bringing little to nothing to the table while defying the sanctity of marriage. Weaponizing divorce threats. You sound like a simpish in this. Adjust fire and focus on yourself. The days of submitting and living on our knees for women, then being thrown in the court system to be eaten alive all while our kids get treated like property, not people, that we are fighting to see... Negative raptor man. The court says 50/50 but the math don't add up.

I filed today after 10 years. My wife sucks. She wants to smoke and drink and live a life of addictions and excuses. That's okay. I've grown over the decade and look forward to an autonomous life. I did listen to her like you talked about, but I also grew wise enough to get out because I was in a repetitive cycle of being used, belittled, and beat down. Lucky I'm a controlled masochist so I turned to MMA and the gym to work my issues out. I listened to and read books to grow. Most people that do what your saying, they don't get out. They stay, and die there. Believing all they have is some woman who has sex with them twice a year, spends their money, and treats you like a criminal around the kids.

Be single. Be happy. Be autonomous. STOP looking for validation from others. Get fit and healthy. Enjoy some romance but don't let leave her toothbrush at your home. Stop buying her things as a sign of love. Get things for yourself that you forget about when you get married. Things I wrote off like getting a boat and camping trailer... I look forward to what's to come.

YOU are SOOOOO wrong!

There are few cooler things than a real knife!

Thank you so much for this video, Ryan. I’m in the midst of the meat grinder myself. No quitting, somehow need to see the light on the other side. Self improvement never ends, even post untying the knot.

Nothing is more cold or cruel than a woman who decides she doesent love you anymore. Women are far less loyal than men. I said what i said.

MEN!! GET A DNA TEST BEFORE YOU AGREE TO CHILD SUPPORT!!!!

if you just have to get married my advice to any man is
1.prenuptial agreement to protect your assets
2.make her go to work and contribute.....if you dont....they will financially murder you in court.

Here is the thing. Every relationship ends in heartbreak. Whether through death or divorce, every relationship ends once its time has come. The real question is, are you a better person at the end of the relationship than at the beginning. If you can say yes, then I would say the time in the relationship was not waisted. Yes, it hurts, and you mourn its passing, but don't live in its ending. I once heard you shouldn't be sad that something ended but happy that it even occurred at all.

Just focus on God and not her.

Gratitude 🙏

Women are not loyal to you. It’s only a man’s fantasy.

Partridge family boy here things were the one that forgets

Hard not to be spiteful when you slave away at work all day to provide and have your partner stay home stress free get their body right health right to just one day call it quits. Then have to give half and still have to pay while shes out living a good life. Your life and kids lives changes drastically and she doesn't even care

When incels make it past 50

Ryan. I came across this video late. It is now January 2025. I offer encouragement to you here. I'm 70 years young. I've been married to my second, and last, wife for 43 years at this point. My first marriage ended after 18 months. Long enough to have a baby girl I loved and adored. Without specifics, my first marriage ended by choice of my first wife. She felt I wasn't compatible anymore with our different opinions about life direction. She had an affair with a friend of mine. She divorced me and moved in with him. Yes, it was hell to deal with in many ways and I got through it with support from good friends from church and non church. Three years later I met my second wife through church friends. The church environment is not a sure thing. I've seen divorces in church families, too. My wife and I have had a couple of serious issues to contend with during our 43 years. We got through them, no infidelity involved, but damage was done. We saved most of the 'good marriage' factors to stay in love with each other. Overall, it's not easy. I think most people don't understand how "where they came from" created an "auto pilot" way of thinking and planning and responding to issues in life such that they choose to run instead of do the work to repair, kinsugi style, the once wonderful relationship. God bless you, Ryan, in moving forward day by day, with a strong support group and with keeping yourself available for whatever blessings await you. I learn from your videos. Thank you for helping me become more of the man I'm always trying to be.

Women need to be shamed for divorcing when there isn't cheating, abuse, etc. They get a pass because because women aren't held to the same standard as men and it's ridiculous - especially in these times and the gynocentric world we're in.

Of course you don't want it to ruin you as a person but the idea that women get a free pass for ruining a marriage and possible family is beyond me. They want their rights, then treat them as equals. Granted, father time will give them the punishment/discipline they deserve but even then, their hubris and ego will likely keep them delusional lol

I don’t know your situation but don’t put too much blame on yourself. Most women are out of control.

My ex-friend, let's call him Ron, is a codependent. He's been divorced 6 times and married again. One time, he decided not to contact a friend of theirs I had met at their place. I went outside to help Ron move some stuff quickly, which ended up taking 20 minutes. When I returned, she had left to pick up her child. She had dropped by after her work. So I asked Ron, and wife #5 to call her and ask if it was OK if I called her. After a week, I inquired about her and was told, "we decided you guys weren't a good match," he told me. I said, "Well, after 4 divorces and with #5 on the rocks (he told me that a month prior), your judgment has been proven flawed. 2 months later, #5 left. 6 months later, he married #6, an immature, needy, controlling bitch. I again asked Ron to ask her, as their was chemistry there. Sparks, clearly. He declined. I told him that I asked him a favor to call her. I did not ask him to choose for me, only to make the call and find out. Earlier, I mentioned ex-friend. That is because he stuck up for #6 when she treated me rudely. I called her out on it, so was made personna nongrata. Not welcome any longer. Well, at least I had called her out on her bullshit. If Ron wants to put up with it, have at it. But I won't tolerate disrespect. And I'm clearly a better judge of female character that Ron is. He expressed disappointment in #6 prior to our falling out. He lamented stating he didnt want to get divorced again. Pathetic

And remember if she decides to leave and you have no prenup…. you’re screwed.

You have absolutely nothing to teach a man how to win if you’ve lost a marriage.

Praying over you brother! I’m so sorry about all of this.

A stat that is not talked about enough:

A husband and wife that pray together on a daily basis - have a 95% success rate!

Something to consider before and in the middle of marriage.

Quality words my friend

Smart men stay single! Don’t get married if you like your life!