"Men Should PAY On The First Date!" | No.1 Couples Therapist

Quality for thee but not for me 💩💩💩💩

I will say as a man I have no problems paying on the first date or any date for that matter but if she doesn't offer to pay there is no second date simple as that. Great way to weed out the self centered people out there.

this is exactly the problem. this is the kind of educated professional entitled woman that cant get a man today.

The worst relationship I have ever had was with a girl I dated for almost a year and not once did she ever offer to pay or split the bill. For me, even though I would’ve of gladly paid for our dates regardless, the fact that it was just assumed that I was always going to pay really rubbed me the wrong way. The 2 best relationships I’ve been in were with women who offered to split or pay the bill. I never let them, but just to offer showed me a sign of mutual respect that also shined through in other facets of the relationship.

If you're not my girlfriend why should I be paying your bills? Women need to grow up.

Problem is alot of women are going on dates with no romantic intentions with the guy but only want a free meal. Women are openly joking about taking advantage of men. They ruin it for good women out there.

Nobody in their right mind or was raised properly would be offended by the offer of paying for your meal. It becomes offensive if they expect something from it or if they attach a power value to it. But offering is just good manners especially if you're clearly capable of doing so.

ATTENTION ALL MONTHLY BLOOD-DRIPPERS.
You're not a girl, woman, lady, female or even a xx chromosome
You're a PERSON and an ADULT - PAY YOUR WAY (NO ENTITLEMENTS)
END OF LESSON.

What this lady is describing servitude, and using 'primal' instincts to justify it.

It's called privilege

Lady you're an idiot. Why should I pay on the first? It sounds to me like entitlement. I work hard for my money. As far as I'm concerned whoever makes more should pay or it should be split down the middle. There's a reason why these women are single.

Lot of men talking about how this isn’t fair. All is fair in love and war. Are cliches are often cliche because they are true. If fairness and principle is more important to you than tradition and ritual - then don’t pay. You will likely be alone with your ideals, but you do you. Or better yet just schedule a date that is walk through the park instead if something with money.

It’s fine for the man to pay for the first date … as long as coffee is the first date, not an expensive multi course meal at a top end restaurant.

terrible

Men should pay for dates but if a woman shows you any disrespect immediately dump her. Just walk out on her. Never pay for a rude or disrespectful woman.

And I’m willing to bet $1000 that that woman who got all butt hurt about the guy not paying for her coffee is still single and on the dating app at this very moment

It’s like Bill Burr said.. women’s view mens life like a buffet… They want to choose the good equality on the stuff they like but not the stuff they don’t like…

Don't feel safe??? You're insulted if I don't pay?? Another entitled feminist killing dating. What happened to equality? I do pay but I won't be after this. No chemistry, not paying!

We need to start going up to them and asking, how much do you cost?

The takeaway is that you should trick your date into falling in love with your best approximation of who she wants to be with

She is so full of it!!! what a BS advice.

She says the guy has to pay and then minutes later she says the role of the man is unclear. Oh i think it’a very clear in her mind

Oh absolutely not. This is absurd. Frankly having the man pay on the first date sets up an expectation that things will continue to escalate/develop (whether that's spending the night together or a 2nd date) because like it or not, it is transactional. Nearly everyone's broke these days. It's great to meet new people and have a nice talk at a good restaurant but most people can't afford to do that just for fun. So frankly, I've never felt safe doing a first date at a restaurant where the man pays. That's why I've done so only twice, both in high school.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. Our first date was hanging out at one of my favorite parks, which I suggested. The only cost was gas and we just sat by the pond and talked for hours. If I hadn't wanted a 2nd date, I wouldn't have felt any extra guilt (warranted or unwarranted) over saying so. Our 2nd date was at a restaurant where we split the bill. And now we have a relationship where things are pretty much even in terms of expectations. I don't care what your gender is or how much money you make or how attractive you are, it's just WEIRD to expect your date who you barely know to take you out somewhere nice and pay for you. Obviously unless they specifically ask for that (if you ask me on a date to an expensive restaurant, you're paying). The entitlement is just weird. Relationships really aren't that difficult when you throw out all of these arbitrary expectations and rules.

Here you have a feminist who spend her adult life fighting against mens chivalry starts the video with It would be a hick if the man dont pay on the first date. You cant make this shit up. Dont pay for something that a another man got for free.

I went out with this person on three dates. The first date was drinks at a bar, the second was a hike, and the third was a nice evening downtown, starting with dinner at a fancy spot, followed by ice cream and a brewery. Not once did she offer to pay for anything, not even the one beer we each had at the brewery. After the third date, I drove her home, and she asked if I wanted to come in. I replied, “It was nice meeting you. Take care.”. Ladies I'd pay every now and again!

She is a psychotherapist and she cannot explain rationally why man has to pay on first date!!! It looks like in the western societies men have been brainwashed to these types of practices, I'm a naturalized US citizen and so I did not grow up here. So, I am not brainwashed to follow these custom practices including chivalry. I refuse to pay. Yes, I have gone on dates and ended up having long term relationships and we have always split the bills. For me if I go out on a date with someone, it is to see whether we can enjoy each other's company. I never go out with someone who is a free loader and expect the expenses to be paid.
I feel so glad that I took up Salsa dancing. It has become my passion and my weekend is rich with social interactions going Salsa dancing. I get to meet a lot of girls every weekend and have good time Salsa dancing which is a partnership dancing. It is an emotional experience and the girl keeps coming back for more. So, in my situation, I tell the girls lets meet on the dance floor and most of the time they oblige.
I would never recommend this psychotherapist to anybody. If a man wants to split the bill on first date, it is a security issue!!! What a load of crap. Even though she has been schooled in the science of psychology, first & foremost she is a female. So the female psyche overrides any scientific training she has. As the saying goes: "If you want to know how to fish, don't ask a fish. Ask a fisherman."

Simple rule : if you want to see her again then pay. If you're interested then pick up the tab.

How can someone be a "therapist" and yet so completely irrational

Ahahah! And this is a therapist! The therapist for scroungy women! What a sexist of a woman and what a disgrace for her son and for her profession.

She can't understand it? Seriously?
It's a sign of respect. And?
That the person understands social norms and can and will follow them.
Can.
This person signify that they know how to be polite.

Whomever initiates the first date, should pay for it.

i can’t believe these comments.
“it’s such extreme hypocrisy that women aren’t chaining themselves to the home even though they wanted their man to pay the bill on the first date once” god what losers 🤦🏻‍♀️
women expect this because it’s a way to find out if the man is invested in them as a person and not just looking for a cheap fling. it’s a part of chivalry and courtship and shows a willingness to provide.
if your financial situation is so dire that you cannot pay the bill once on a date, you shouldn’t be looking for a long-term relationship. easy.

You wanted equality... you split the bill.. simple

Women want men to be emotionally available and to signal care...when did chivalry and manners become equated only with cash? There are infinte ways to be emotionally available, like for example being caring and empathic, that dont involve the bank roll.

This is so idiotic

I thought we were all about equality now-a-days… and she said it herself, there is no rational explanation

I like their short conversation about how dates are expensive and you need more money.

Add that to the fact that she wants men to pay.

I think she’s arguing that women should give up their jobs so that more men can have work in order to pay for dates.

Or women could just offer to pay and actually mean it.

This therapist - Lori Gottlieb is a train wreck. She is not qualified to give anyone advice on dating or relationships.

The tl:dr of my earlier would be:

1. Grown women shouldn't say "ick", even as a responsive comment. It's silly.
2. Paying for things with your own money does not constitute being "unsafe". If safety is even a relevant concept to the matter of payment, I should think the opposite is true.
3. A guy paying or not paying for a first date is a truly ludicrous and dangerous mental proxy for whether or not it is safe to go back to his place.
4. By the time a woman has made a more sensible evaluation of the man and her safety, he has probably also made an evaluation of her and has come around to investing a little more in her, so the two processes do work in tandem somewhat. Neither one is likely on the first date, unless other factors are in play.

The real problems here are twofold- Ms. [Dr.?] Gottlieb's age while using the silly term "ick", and the abuse of the concept of safety.
I'm actually in favour of both the man paying on the first date AND him splurging a bit, perhaps dinner at a moderately priced place. The paying and a nice dinner out with a woman are supposed to be pleasures for him, too. They are not only for her. Paying is his custom as a man, to be enjoyed for its own sake, a nice dinner is a nice dinner, a thing a man should enjoy for its own sake and for the woman's company. Some notes are allowed- it needn't be a top tier place, if a woman expects that perhaps she needs to date richer men than most. It depends on how many first dates a man is expecting to have. If he can't afford dinner perhaps he has too many first dates. If he can't afford dinner perhaps he is too poor for dating and should have other priorities. But if she is expecting her city's most expensive steakhouse [I'd respect that on some level] or celebrity hangout [that would not warrant respect], then there is a mismatch of social aspiration here.
This may be generational- I'm an Xer and 53. Dinner was a normal date idea when I was young, but then it could be a mid price place or something suited to one's age and condition at the time, and girls understood all that pretty well. Now it seems like men complain that women want top tier places all the time and, in turn, men don't enjoy a nice meal anymore and are all dirt poor anyway.
But in the end, who pays is a sideshow at this point. Per above, two notes:
1. Even as a responsive, an adult woman over 30 should not be talking about "icks".
2. If anyone ever again denies that a lot of the discussion today involves women abusing the idea and definition of "safety", this is now exhibit A. Having to pay for things with your own money is not being "unsafe".
Plus the argument laid out here is beyond silly. Plenty of guys might want to go Dutch on a first date with a stranger because they don't even know them yet, and will not be rapists or killers. And the woman won't be going back to his place at the end of the first date anyway, one would hope, if she has the slightest concern. OTOH, I expect the actual rapists of killers will have already figured out, hey some particularly unthoughtful women may really trust me more if I pay for dinner.
Once a woman is liable to be going back to a man's place, he's probably at a point where they've gotten to know each other a bit and actually has had occasion to get comfortable buying her things. They will each have had time to evaluate one another.

This is just ya typical example of the difference between a 60 year old and a 20 year old, they still want the man too be manly where as this day and age is the complete opposite, i bin everything this women has said

Disgracefull, she either has that much money it holds no weight for her anymore, or shes completely and utterly deluded by the thought of “a nice gesture” women who think you have too use money too give “nice gestures” are so alone and pathetic and weak minded, F off:).

Whoever's idea it is to go on a date should pay

I think this is very interesting. When a man pays, he is signaling his protective and providing qualities. Great. But the protective and providing qualities of men are also being looked down upon generally in society. So if you're a woman who frowns down upon that; pay for your own coffee.

I personally like to pay out of the blue sometimes, as an unexpected gift. Paying for my friends or randomly give them presents. But if paying is always expectated, it stops being a gift. If you don't have a choice, the gesture of giving doesn't mean anything.

In the example given by the therapist, I don't acctually think the guy had anything against paying 5 dollars for her coffee. He was probably testing her to see whether she would pay for herself or not. She didn't want to, so much so that she didn't want to see him again, even though they had a lot of chemistry.