r/Topposts I Dated an Actual Psychopath

8:20 her name is ms. PDF?! WHAT

Intubated? For alcohol poisoning?!

3:40 I just spent a whole few minutes just laughing my arse off. Not about the story, but about the fact that rSlash is laughing HIS arse off at the story XD

That brother has a HELL of a story for the rest of his life - "How too much Whiskey on Christmas Eve saved me from a Brain Tumor that no one knew about".

5:26 67

Story ending around 8:24: Why is there not an emoji for Neckbeards? 🤢...milady🤮🥵...best I can do with current technology.

8:21 Story 4: Did I hear "Our next reddit post is from Mr and Mrs Nonce" ??That's a ....special word....

Waking up cancer free is a wild hangover.

SAWDUST??!! Sawdust ISN’T food! Wtaf. This guy is either extremely stupid or a psycho.

😂 second story is the best

I've never laughed so hard than i did at story 2 🤣😂

I died laughing at the 2nd story but I also kniw how embarrassing that is. I have ibs, lactose intolerance and just a generally shitty gut. At the start of covid as shops were limiting customers in store, I went shopping with my mum and daughter. We went to a shop a 5 minute drive from the house. The only other place next to it was a vets. So we start shopping and halfway in my stomach didn't feel right. I didn't know I was lactose intolerant then so I had a bowl of cereal before leaving. The feeling kept growing and I knew what it meant so I said to my mum that I'll sit in the car. It wasn't long before I couldn't handle it and ran to the vets begging to use their toilet. They denied me as I wasn't a customer. I ended up sitting in the backseat of the car, coat over my legs and having diarrhea into a bag. I nearly cried. Pretty sure I gave my mother ptsd as she says she can still remember the smell of the car. My partner laughed about it and were still together now. It still embarrasses me and I wish I could have held it and I did try but my stomach said otherwise

"What? You cheated too? Who is she!?"

Emma.

Emma Ginary.

Check my ass had me rolling

Yeahhhhhh crappening be happening! 4:18

Saw dust in the food

Also the old timey bakers were banned from that after accidentally making arsenic candy

“Check my crack!” Really got me
My poor pregnant belly wasn’t so happy tho. Idk why but laughing too hard hurts😞 but I couldn’t help it🤣🤣🤣

The thing about listening to these stories while doing other stuff is that sometimes you miss certain details and get the wrong impression, for example, story three. Somehow I was under the impression that OP and this girl were, if not in a full blown relationship, then at the very least casually dating, so I didn't think much of it at first until rslash talked about how he barely met this girl and was already telling her how to dress and what to do, which I was like, "Wait, what?" And went back to listen to it again and was like, "ok, yeah, nevermind it was super weird for him to act the way he did, no wonder she didn't wanna go back to that laundromat"

Dammit, Dabney. Listening to the joy you get from laughing at fart scenarios makes me laugh. It's like an infectious disease that there's no immunity to.

I’ve said it before but I Love when rSlash laughs when reading a story!! To me, it’s a contagious laugh. I sometimes laugh harder at his laughter than the story. Thank you rSlash.

Great depression ah meal prep for his gf is crazy

😏 I'm shitting!

man, i really hope op was using at least MILDLY edible sawdust

Well the alternative outcome for the first story could’ve been OP doing nothing and the guy literally going nuclear. Better safe than sorry.

Story 2: I guess saying that instead of saying "I'm farting" is what we call a Freudian Shit.

0:39 since when was midget a slur

Second story had me cracking up just bc Dabny couldnt hold it together 😂

I think it's safe to say, OP really shit the bed with that fart joke🤣

Since when is Midget a slur?

I Don't think I've ever laughed so hard at a poop story as I did that bed one.

14:08
During the Great Depression people used to put saw dust in food, to get full and save money. After the Great Depression companies started to do this to save money. Thus the FDA was born.

I’m not a little person. I’m a midget. A little person is a child or a fairy in Irish folklore. I despise the phrase “little person.” I’m a midget. Period. End of story.

im pissing myself 3:20

Story 1: The guy is definitely lying as even a control room leader at a plant cannot intentionally trigger a reactor meltdown, not without the help of a lot of other people and the miraculous failure of many redundant safety systems. It was still the correct move to report him on the off chance that he does work in the industry as potential sabotage of nuclear facilities is taken very seriously, but he almost certainly has never stepped foot into a nuclear plant let alone been employed by one.

I went on a tinder date where the guy bragged about being a body builder. He was overweight.

Midgets!! The word is midget. It is not insulting it is not a slur. I know a whole family of midgets who are friends with other midgets and none of them can figure out why this word is so sensitive all of a sudden

This is some great doctoring!!! Most drs would be like 🤷🏿‍♀️welp rug burn whatever

You don't fuck about with nuclear power. Get that man in jail.

Breathe, Dabney! Breathe!

Lol

The poop one made me laugh harder than I have in n a long time.

2nd story you laughed so hard I couldnt stop from laughing 🤣🤣🤣

My now husband and I had video dates during COVID, but during our first in person date, my dinner triggered my IBS so bad. He went in the bathroom after I did. I thought I was going to die. He said nothing. On our second date, he had the same thing I had last time, and he comes out of the bathroom looking like he's going to cry, and, takes hold of my arms, looks into my eyes, and says, "For the love of whatever god you hold dear, dont go in there. I understand if you want to break up with me." I started laughing hysterically 😂 for anyone curious, it was Applebee's salmon with broccoli and mashed potatoes 😂 bad combo apparently. And it was in 2 different states!

9:26 Wh-what? What??
What the hell does that mean man